Before we get into the actual blog post, I actually don't think it sucks to be me (well, okay, I don't think that at this moment in time), the title of this post is a reference to the opening song in act 2 of Avenue Q, which is basically Sesame Street for college graduates (and if you aren't aware of it yet, I will make you aware of it since it is one of my favorite musicals ever composed, despite it being problematic in certain ways.)
In any case, I go on the phones for the first time since telemarketing tomorrow and I am scared. It's at this point that I must decide which path I take with my current job: do the three months while searching for something else and telling the temp agency that this isn't a match OR stick with this one, do good enough to get by, and spend my time doing stuff on the outside and also searching for something else OR be super fucking awesome at this job, get promoted to a position where I won't be talking on the phones with people, and do stuff on the outside for my own amusement and growth.
Yeah, I have no idea what's going to happen either.
In other news, I found a therapy place that will take my health insurance, but we keep having this game of cat and mouse where they leave a phone message and I leave a phone message and they leave a phone message. Like, seriously.
I also want to get back into Feldenkrais, so until I find a class that jives with my schedule, I'm just going to be doing some exercises at home. But seriously, I did a Feldenkrais thing on Sunday that I hadn't done in so long and I felt so much better afterwards. I didn't even have a job trauma dream like I had the two nights prior. (I know I keep talking about it, but seriously, getting laid off fucked me up, you guys).
I've also been asking around my group of older friends about their grad school experiences and professional certificates. I feel like my job experiences and my theatre degree aren't enough to get something stable that I enjoy. I don't want to talk on the phones for the rest of my life and I definitely don't want to be in a job position where I am easily disposable, so I need to figure out how to be marketable and important.
My Hermione Granger love life blogpost has almost 90 views. That's the most views any of my blogposts have ever gotten and I am so ridiculously grateful, especially since I feel like that is some of my best writing and that I have talent as a storyteller.
Tomorrow, I go to see UHF at the Music Box theatre where Weird Al and Jon Levey (director of the film) will be doing a Q&A afterwards. I hope I get to meet Al for the third time so we can have more beautiful moments like these:
In a few weekends I will be flying back to MN for a doughnut crawl and a movie night. It'll be the weekend before my 23rd birthday and I can't think of a better way to spend it.
During that time, I will also hopefully get my hands on some beads and jewelry making stuff so I can finally open "That One Chick's Earring Emporium" on Etsy (that will also occasionally feature tye-dye clothes, so keep an eye out for that too).
At the moment, I am just trying to keep busy and to keep finding things to look forward to, because the busier and more distracted I am, the less amount of time I will spend in my own head wondering what I did wrong at my old job, despite glaring evidence that the problem was way more them and way less me.
In any case, now I'm ranting again. Here, have the Jem and the Holograms song I sometimes sing to myself when I need a boost of confidence:
I'm going to end this post with a huge, huge thank you to my Dad and my Mom and my sisters and my boyfriend and my LARP friends and my MN friends, and basically everyone who has taken me under their wing, given me advice, offered to make me food, taken me out to Karaoke, or even just reaffirmed my frustrations and reassuring me. I don't know what the hell I did to deserve having such fantastic people in my life, but I am so thankful. And so relieved that one of my fears of moving to Chicago, not having a safety net, is non-existent. So thank you for being my Mama Birds through adulthood. It means a lot.